Nearly Powerless

Since I have a 5 year old in my house who tends to pay a lot of attention to whatever the television is blaring – we left it off most of the weekend.  We made a very strong effort to be sure she was not exposed to the tragedy of Friday.  Because of this, I have not been inundated with pictures and stories, except for listening nonstop to the radio Friday afternoon.
 
I am quite aware of the wave of misinformation that continues to stream in.  Brad and I are both pretty disgusted by it, and so despite my news-junkie tendencies, I’ve avoided turning on CNN and reading everything that pops up on PULSE. 
I’ve tuned in though, enough, to catch the tears and the looks of emptiness in the faces of mothers, and to know that this entire country is still stunned and heartbroken. 
There are probably policy discussions that need to be had, but I don’t want to have those here. 
Instead, I can’t help but come back to what someone said on Friday.  Not sure who it was – maybe a radio talent or a news person.  They were exchanging comments of disbelief and someone said something like, “There will be a time for talking about policy later.  Right now we need to let this register.”
I’m sure there are many who are fighting hard to keep this from registering.  I know that we have to go to work and function, and we have to enjoy dinner with our families, and we need to turn off the tears for a while.  There are a lot of tragedies that take place every day – which we successfully avoid.  We’ve put up walls and those sad stories don’t get too close.  But I think this is one event worth processing. 
This event is worth getting angry about.  Worth crying tears over.  This one justifies us questioning everything we know, everything we believe.  Not because the Truths we thought we understood, now have holes shot through them, and are exposed as false. 
But because we find a clearer definition of Truth when we ask it these horrifying questions, and seek out answers. 
If you’ve never been honest with God about being angry with Him, or questioning His plan, be honest with Him now.  Don’t make assumptions.  Dig deeper so you can gain something.  Something useful.
Personally I cannot help but feel that these children have been sacrificed.
 And I’m not ok with that.  I know that God has a plan and that somehow some good thing can come from tragedy.  Those of you who heard me speak at our Advent by Candlelight program in November might recall the verse our devotion focused on that evening, Genesis 50:20 – You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good
I know lots of things happen to us in life, intended by Satan to destroy us, which God uses to teach us; to strengthen relationships; to give us experiences that we can then use to comfort others.   
But today this does not seem to apply.  I cannot find comfort in that here.  It is too terrible.  Too horrific for me to justify. 
So today, I’m being honest with you.  And with God.  I’m not walking away from anything.  I’m not making some sort of blanket statement about how God must be heartless and life is now meaningless.
I’m just admitting that I can’t stand the reality that we are faced with today, and I need to seek out some explanations.  Almost grudgingly, I know that I need to look to the One who never changes.  The One who saves me from the suffering this world offers.  The only One who can fix any of this.
Our worship service Prayer of the Day on Sunday was this –
Lord Jesus Christ, we implore You to hear our prayers and lighten the darkness of our hearts by Your gracious visitation…

Feeling powerless and confused, that’s about the only prayer that I have today.  But I think it’s a good place to start.

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