Mustering a Small Prayer from the Shadows
I’ve had a great couple of days. Life isn’t perfect but I should be feeling good. Lots of reasons to be happy.
Instead anxiety has snuck up and my mind is racing. I can feel my countenance slipping quickly into the shadows. Tonight the shadows whisper of disgust and anger.
And it’s not justified.
This is probably the definition of irritability.
But I can’t find the brake pedal and the darkness gets deeper. Rational and reason are glimpses in my rearview mirror. So many things to be happy about, I hear distantly. But the voice is swallowed up in my angst.
I try to pray.
The voices get louder and fill up my head. So many ideas and questions and complaints but I eek out..
It’s like an SOS my soul cries out in desperation.
No ideas about what I can do to feel better. No solutions save this one prayer.
I feel like the chaos in my head is too much except I manage to call out to my heavenly Father.
This would be a good time for a trusty Bible verse but I feel trapped and the hostility of my inner demons have no interest in quieting so I can flip through the files of memory to find anything useful.
Except still, somehow, I know I can pray.
Thank you for instilling in me the truth that these moments where the walls are closing in.. they do not define me.
I breathe deep.
Thank you for giving me the Truth of your love even when shadows fill the room.
I have no other words.
But I know you can hear me.
The spirit sets the comfort of His truths on my heart. I feel them there. I might not be able to identify or verbalize them in the darkness, but the Spirit has reassured me they are there nonetheless.
I have not been abandoned.