Mustering a Small Prayer from the Shadows

I’ve had a great couple of days. Life isn’t perfect but I should be feeling good. Lots of reasons to be happy.

Instead anxiety has snuck up and my mind is racing. I can feel my countenance slipping quickly into the shadows. Tonight the shadows whisper of disgust and anger.

And it’s not justified.

This is probably the definition of irritability.

But I can’t find the brake pedal and the darkness gets deeper. Rational and reason are glimpses in my rearview mirror. So many things to be happy about, I hear distantly. But the voice is swallowed up in my angst.

I try to pray.

The voices get louder and fill up my head. So many ideas and questions and complaints but I eek out..

God.

Hear.

My.

Cry.

It’s like an SOS my soul cries out in desperation.

No ideas about what I can do to feel better. No solutions save this one prayer.

I feel like the chaos in my head is too much except I manage to call out to my heavenly Father.

Lord,

Have… mercy….

This would be a good time for a trusty Bible verse but I feel trapped and the hostility of my inner demons have no interest in quieting so I can flip through the files of memory to find anything useful.

Except still, somehow, I know I can pray.

God.

Thank you for instilling in me the truth that these moments where the walls are closing in.. they do not define me.

I breathe deep.

God.

Thank you for giving me the Truth of your love even when shadows fill the room.

Exhale.

God.

I have no other words. 

Silence.

But I know you can hear me.

The spirit sets the comfort of His truths on my heart. I feel them there. I might not be able to identify or verbalize them in the darkness, but the Spirit has reassured me they are there nonetheless.

 

I have not been abandoned.

 

god-hear

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