Transitions are Messy. Who Are You Listening To?
If you’re keeping score, you can see that I’m terrible at transitions. Get out the megaphone – TERR-I-BLE (echo, echo).
Wait, not paragraph transitions. Gosh, I hope I’m not terrible at those. But transitions where your world is changing and you’re in the middle of it and you still aren’t sure how the new version of things is supposed to look.
Is anyone good at them?
I don’t ever remember having a chat with anyone who said to me, “I just love not knowing what’s going to happen next! Learning new things that I can’t wrap my brain around is sooo fun and not understanding what each day will look like will be a blast and a half!”
This isn’t the first time I’ve struggled with transition. Going from working full-time to not working full-time. From tiny house with husband rarely home, to big house where husband is more often present. For goodness sakes, while working with dad I struggled with the transition into harvest every fall.
So here I am. Another transition.
And the best word to describe what is happening to me is the very visual term – “floundering.”
I don’t like floundering.
I have lots of excuses for my floundering.
I haven’t felt well on and off.. Eddie’s school schedule means each day is a little different.. The builder was under the weather and him being home threw me off big time…
But really, I’m just not sure how this works.
THIS is that I’m supposed to be home working on my business! On She Finds Truth! I’m supposed to be blogging and promoting my speaking and starting a podcast! I’m supposed to be creating a schedule of sorts and making my days look productive.
But I don’t really know how that works. With a 4 year old. And lots of tasks that COULD be done, but still trying to figure out how to prioritize them. And also I’m home where there is cleaning, etc. to be done.
First of all, I don’t know if I should blame my family, my culture, or what, but I think somewhere in my brain is the very strong opinion/fact that the worth of a day is based on how much money you make.
Yikes. This realization is really useful. But the fact that I think that, is not so great.
Ok, so no wonder I had a hard time adjusting to SAHM! Back then I finally convinced myself I was “earning my keep” when I remembered that childcare is expensive.
Then the last few years I’ve been working for dad part-time, so it was ok to do something else on my days off.
But now. Now? Now I’m – daily – supposed to be investing in something that will maybe/possibly/maybe not “pay-off” in the future. And what does “pay-off” even mean?! I have a ministry. This isn’t about money. I have already worked really hard to make peace with the possibility that I might not make a dime. I already let go of that!
But the definition of “successful day” is getting in the way.
So I’m in transition right now. Thankfully, God has sent some messengers to me in the last 2 weeks who have randomly shown up to say – Hey! Get your head out of your butt and get back to work! Just do what you are supposed to be doing and stop worrying about all that other garbage! You have a job to do and it’s in ministry and you need to get focused.
And I am grateful for that. Because honestly when I started this blog post, it was 2 weeks ago and I was feeling pretty lost.
Let go of trying to do it right and just do it.
So many times God has used people to remind me of the Truths He has spoken to me. And it can be easy to just brush it off as a random comment or something nice someone said just to be nice. But in fact, those things have just as much worth as the snide comment you overheard last week that has plagued you ever since. An actual message, spoken to you for a reason from a person who loves and/or respects you, has WAY more value than the lies the Accuser is telling you over and over to get you to continue to feel crummy about yourself or your circumstances.
Why do we listen to the wrong messages all the time?! We need to have better discernment.
Starting with me.
Here’s what Scripture says:
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. (I John 4:1)
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent.. (Philippians 1:9)
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. (1 Corinthians 14:33)
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. (John 15:16)
Has anyone recently shown up with the words you needed, when you needed them?